hate.

hate is a word i use a lot. i noticed. but is it really that easy to not use the word hate, when its hard to find something to like? is there a different word i should use? dislike, loathe, despise? they all mean the same.. and i dont think i abuse the word "hate", although i do use it a lot. everytime i use it i really mean it. and its not like i dont want to like anything, its just impossible to. why would i like anything, or anyone, when they don't like me back? i think I've had enough parasocial relationships with people, and you know what, i hate having to because no one has ever felt anything for me platonically. and i hate that i even have to exist in a world where these kind of pains exist almost exclusively for me. so there, is that a better use of the word? does that work for you?